Well! I really was STUPID to REJECT a RELATIONSHIP by a GUY --> SSGNG HH --> FROM PLAB. Why, so stupid to reject him....Haiz? Well, I am really really scared in getting a HURT again. I took about 9months to mend my broken heart for a 18months relationship with NG WL.
This happened when my 1st ex bf --> NG WL had a few flings when I am away in Australia Detachment for only a month, OMG. suck guy.
During this brokeoff, ATCH my SQN Clerk came along, we are always at loggerhead but he is someone I could replied on, we became good friends, ATCH lend me his shoulder when I was suffering during that 9months. Really Apprecipate him.
In Yr 1993 to 1996, I went over to Australia Detachment again and this time wih my SQN, I met up with another guy, SSG NG HH, I was attracked to him because of his dimple, he is really very cute. I am always having "crush" to guys with dimple, well his dimple really goes well with him. I guess he did notice me too. He started smiling to me whenever he sees me with no doubt, I am always paying attention at him cause I like his smile alot, hehehehe.
Finally, SSG NG HH approached me and we started talking and chatting about everything and anything under the sun, about his family and my experience about my 1st ex bf etc, hehehehehehe. I was really comfortable with him but with "NO SPECIAL ATTENTION" for him.
After this long 9months of broken heart, I finally got over with company of SSG NG HH and ATCH around me and people in AUSTRALIA make me feels pretty good & happy about everything and everybody. LIFE GOES ON.
During my 2 months detachment at Darwin, I got to know alot of people and Friends from PLAB, mmmm I love all of them and I have forgotten that I do have a broken heart to mend.
Then my 2 months detachment came to an end, I need to go back to Singapore, SHIT, i got to go back to the place that makes me sad again. though there are people I love in SIngapore, I really don't feel like going home but got no choice.
SSG NG HH wrote me a stack of "LETTERS", he told me to read it when I am back in SINGAPORE, I Do not know what this secretive about but I promise him and give him my word. The moment he gave me the stack of letters, seriously, I am eager to see but bor pian. I got to keep my word.
I have a funny feeling that SSG NG HH likes me since he did not confess it or say it. No doubt, I likes him too, but I didn't take this feeling seriously, I told myself, it is silly of me....forget about falling in love again cause I oso not pretty or even a little good-looking... so cannot be anybody gf..... there4 I tell myself dun b to sensitive.... stay neutal please don't get HURT again. I will rather prefer to stay and thinks that I am foolish to think NG HH is interested in me.
Well, when I first started reading his "stacks of letters", I was laughing away happily about it, laughing at him for being so silly writing this comments etc. (Romantic Actually)
NG HH seem to have read my mind, he called me almost immediately when I finished reading his letters. He asked me for my comments, I laughed at him for being silly but oso commented that he's got good English, he writes well and that he should continue writing, well be a journalist or something, cool and wow, wow, wee, hehehehe.
I am an ugly and not plane Jane, I really have doubt that any guys will lay their eyes on me. If they do, that gonna be a ONS --> ONE NIGHT STAND or a FLING with no attachment.... no real relationships. I will never accept this kind of relationships but of cause at that moment, I will not want another committment, I am afraid of getting HURT again and again and again, the feelings are really very very very lousy, everything becomes upside down or downside up,pretty messy. I swear, I will never fall in love again non getting into fling or attachment till I am really really comfortable with someone again.
2 weeks later after return to Singapore, Chicken Pox came to visit me. I am once again DOWN, HOT and QUICK TEMPER, feel like dying, life seem meaningless and I felt like if this feverish feeling going to kill me, I will just die with it, SILLY of me but I was really feeling down & under.
NG HH gives me a call almost every evening, and I feel really good about it, I really miss him, no idea y but my chicken pox was so bad that it goes into my throat, I lost my voice, and I can't swallow, just feel like dying but there is a WILL that keeps me alive and that's NG HH. Cause I am always getting comfy calls from him with no doubt. He would finished his dinner quickly, catch up with work stuffs then started making his calls back to Singapore.
After about a month, NG HH came back to Singapore with all the people I left behind in Australia, he dropped down at my place, passed me some knitting cottons, so sweet of him, shocked at my look and left home to unpack his stuffs. Seriously, I long for his returned but don't know why, I never think of him being my future boyfriend though I likes him alot. (GUESS MY HATRED FOR LOVE IS VERY MUCH STRONGER)..... hehehe I likes him.Thought he will tell me in my face that he likes me but he didn't, so disappointed. I like MAN of ACTION and not WORDS more. (Contradicting right....I oso dunno lah)
He visited me almost every days and even drop me surprise visit.
Seriously, I don't like SURPRISES, don't know why.
When I was on the state of recovering, my ass didn't want to stay home, it wants to go out.... hehehe, my female friend date me and I accepted. Know what???
SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE, he dropped down early next day at my door steps, seriously, I am unhappy about it cause I need to cancel my plan. No Doubt, I told him, I have planned of going shopping with my female friend and that I won't be home and I told him to leave with me etc, well, I mean go seperate way, cause I have no idea if my female friend is comfortable with him around.
While we were strollling and resting and got stuffs we went to ChinaTown, my female friend told me, a guy been following us since we started shopping there. I turn around and saw NG HH, I was almost goes crazy, I was so mad that he followed us, SHIT but when he approached us, I introduce him as a "friend" that i knew during my stay in Australia.
Things getting out of hand, he keeps following me till I could not take it,
NO PRIVACY, I HATE IT and I told him off.
Cutiest thing is he knows I am mad but yet smiling all the time, I lost heart in scolding him......sigh
He was like a ghost coming into my un-prepare life. No doubt I like him but I really dislike being followed all the time, then I decided this should comes to an end, I told him off told him I am not prepare for another relationships and I don't want to be hurt again bla bla bla
I know he got my hint and msg but he is very persistant then I decided to tell him that unless he wants to wait and is patient to wait, I may takes forever to want to fall in love again, but he just ....... mmmmmm and smile again. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
I was very confuse, I like him but don't want to be attached then get hurt again and again the feeling is really lousy, if you know what I meant.
What should I do so he will not get hurt by me?
Well, finally ATCH is back, I speak to him and confided and confess my feelings for NG HH. ATCH lend me his shoulder and ears again, so sweet. At that very moment, somethings came into my mind and I've decided on a planned, hehehehe
I told ATCH to pretend to be my bf so I could shy away from NG HH, he may gets HURT but I am sure it wont last long to forget me totally, well the plans work. I saw NG HH, he cried, But heart break when I saw the tears in his eye, I am heartbroken too but I just cannot make myself to pity him. SO BLOODY SELFISH of me...I know, I know .... I am REALLY SORRY NG HH.
I KNOW I HURT HIM BADLY and I HAVE SEEN HIM couple of time BUT .......
O, not forgetting, I did calls him up at his SQN say for about 6 months after the confrontation, I have left messages for him to call me back on my pager but he never did. I guess he is really mad at me and don't want to even talk to me again. I REALLY DESERVED IT. Know what were the reply given?
The REPLY "HE is away in detachment and we could not catch hold of him or that he is really busy, we get him to call you back and etc "..... well, I never did received any calls from him at all. (I wanted very much to tell him, I miss him and I might want to b with him, if he still likes/love me), Well, I guess that's "GOD's WILL".
I miss him. hehehehe but sianz loh.
O, my life goes on too ..... well it was good for awhile then things change after 10yrs..... no doubt I am not fated to have a hubby or someone I really want to love or that I am destiny to enjoy life alone ba since now that I am not getting any younger but OLD and UGLY...... NOBODY LOVES ME.
RETRIBUTION, RETRIBUTION, RETRIBUTION ---->" BAO-YING"
I am glad that he had finally settle down and had 3 kids, well congratulation to him. PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME, WE CAN ALWAYS BE FRIENDS AGAIN. Juz Keep in contact.
Well the conclusion of the story is :
If you love someone or somebody, please do honestly confess, don't repeat the same mistake I do. Don't take too Long, TIME and TIDE wait for no MAN.
O, FEELS really good after this CONFESSION, 10 long years, whahahahahahahaha
whahahahahahahaha
``the heart was destroyed @
3:55 PM
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